A poem about the love between Samantha and Justin

My lovely friend Julie Doyle has written the following poem, dedicated to Justin and myself. She posted it as a comment on here but I think it is so wonderful that it deserves an entry all to itself!! Julie, you made me laugh so much! I am glad I managed to inspire your creative streak!!! Many, many thanks!!!

• What's in thee knickers?? (to be read in Yorkshire dialect)
  
  When I were now't but a nipper
  I'd slip on me mothers best dress
  And I'd prance all about in the front room
  And hope that no-one would guess
  
  Yer see I were born wi' a willy,
  a chopper, a dong or a knob
  I quickly took off to a surgeon
  To ask him to do me a job
  
  It's easy I sez...I'm a woman
  but the inside of me is a man
  please chop off me todge - it's offensive
  And do it as quick as yer can
  
  What I really require is VAGINA
  wi' feminine hair at the front
  Now get out yer scalpel and sutures
  And make me a beautiful cunt
  
  I want it just like this tattoo here
  All purple and orange and green
  When I open me legs to reveal it
  folk'll say its the best that they've seen
  
  Well he chopped and he made quite a cavern
  Wi' hair all about on them lips
  But I now have to install a lighthouse
  So it dunt swallow up passing ships
  
  It's bigger than planned that I'll grant thee
  and sometimes with size it's a WIN
    But dunt get too close there dear Justin
  I fear that you might just fall in.
  
  There's always the use of my knockhole
  my Rosebud is all shiny red
  Oh hurry and get here my darling
  I can't wait to get thee in bed
  
  You can whip me and tease me forever
  And smear me in Strawberry Jam.............
  .................................
  .................................
  BUT you don't really love me MY Justin!!!!
  It was all an elaborate scam.
  
  You may think you got me bowled over
  As if I would fall for such crap
  I may be a great big VAGINA
  but you are a conning young TWAT.
  

  
  

  And just in case you were wondering, this is the tattoo that is being refferred to!!